Hello all the lovely visitors who come and peek into this little world of mine. Let me be honest. I feel stuck. And scared.
I’ve spent the last few weeks prepping my photography website and I felt so wrapped up in the process – in complete excitement that I didn’t even pause to really think about what I’m doing until now. What am I doing? Seriously, what the heck am I doing? Sure this was ‘the plan’ for about 3 years now. And sure, I’ve got the experience and the portfolio to go full force. And sure, it’s my passion and dream. Yes. It’s my passion and dream! I love composing photographs, artistically capturing the subject and allowing the emotions to captivate the eye, and I look for the perfect composition that will freeze the moment in the most beautiful way.
But there’s already too much on my plate! Do I give up on my dream?
In my daily life now, I load up my plates with these: (ants! – ah love’em)
- Full time mom – this is a beautiful occupation and I am enjoying it fully with taking the time to go outdoors, teaching my daughter about all kinds of things, playing ‘school’ and games. At times, being a mom wears me out though. The tantrums still continue with my bundle of joy, and there’s tense moments that can ruin a perfectly fine activity.
- Full time graphic designer – (but not full time hours) I don’t mention this world of mine very often, but I work everyday on some kind of work for my clients. I was (see the hopelessness) very good and still occasionally get revived by a meeting that goes well or a job gets complemented. But over the years, things changed, business changed, the baby came and changed things, then my illness came and changed things. Times were good when I started our company and got busy with work that my husband quit his day job so we can go full time with graphic design. We had a cool studio for a few years and I was living a designer lifestyle. I talked the talk and I walked the walk. Now, I try to do the same with a work-at-home style and this is a little too much and I feel stuck with so many distractions.
- Stay/ Work at home housewife – and with it fall the different responsibilities of trying to keep a house somewhat clean, making sure that the laundry room doesn’t disappear under all the dirty loads, making sure that everyone has a higher ratio of some nutritious food versus nutella and white bread (which mysteriously seem to sneak into the house all the time)
- Blogger – my favourite! lol. I have things to say and things to share. I don’t often keep up with my own head. For example I photograph and have shots ready for a post – but then get sloppy/tired/find no time to actually put the post together.
- Healing Goddess of a dreadful neuromuscular illness – Yes, Goddess. I can give myself any title I want. Besides, I see myself more as a healthy person than a sick one all thanks to my very own doctor – me. And this is not because of ‘spontaneous remission’ as the med books would say. I work darn hard and keep focused on my diet and try to keep life stressors at bay. This is dedication and discipline that I’m kicking my own butt with. I break the rules, I pay and trust me I do not enjoy walking like an old grandma and having my foods mushed for me. That said, I do have bad days or even just moments that can wreck up my day. Like yesterday. (when there’s no post it’s usually a bad or busy day).
- Wife – I try.
- Aspiring Professional Photographer – So this is where the screaming begins. Why am I doing this again. Ah, yes because of the passion. And the love, the excitement, the way I feel when I’m with my camera, the creativity, getting out of the house and working outdoors (when in season), the feel that I need to share this passion with others and capture their beautiful life for them to enjoy for years to come. I really love it and this is really what I’m meant to be doing. I am the happiest when I do this.
So why the uncertainty, why the screaming (only inside – I’m keeping my cool ;), why bother, why put so much on my plate?
Because I still can. There was a time a few years ago when I gave up on myself, could hardly walk and lift even a small mug out of a kitchen cabinet, even a spoon to my own mouth. Now I can. I feel like I’ve learned to walk again. And when you’re given another chance, you go for it. I appreciate my legs and arms more than ever and I intend to use them as best I can – – and what better way than running while holding a camera.
Who knew what was on the plates was so unique out there. Click on the images above to take you to the Etsy shops they are from.
What’s on your plate these days?
Blogger, Recipe Developer, Photographer and Author. Loves healthy food, photography, sunshine and dancing in the kitchen with her two daughters. 
go for it!!! i feel that the people i meet that get the most accomplished and do great things have a lot on their plate, constantly. like the more you do, the more you can do (or something like that) anyway, keep your chin up and stay brave! :)
Thank you. Thank you Angie!
I needed this push this morning. And you’re so right when I do more – I do more. I fuel myself with more energy than ever – and when I stop – I go into this dark hole again ;(
You’re the best! xo
Oh my gosh…I feel like I relate to so much of what you say. It’s so easy to fill the plates…yet so hard to keep it all balanced. When I get overwhelmed I have to stop and let everything go. Then I think to my self…what does my heart want? And I follow that calling. Listen to your heart!
Thanks Caroline. I am tuning into my heart (finally) and I think I know what it wants….. ;)
Thanks my dear. xo
Definitely do it. You can’t do all things all of the time. Something gives here and there. I think it is wise and fun to simply try. You’re great just the way you are!
There is a heap on my plate too. Oh well.
xo,
Ang
Thanks Angela. There’s always something but I also think I get overwhelmed sometimes and then I loose my balance and focus. Some anxious thought get into my head and they wear me out.
I do know what I want and it’s not complicated to get going with it.
Why the drama then? I guess my mind just wants to make sure I rethink this fully…. I think I feel better now ;)
Good luck with your heap of things too! Big Hugs. Ella.
I completely understand because I’m there RIGHT NOW. And I like how you said, “because I can”. I’ve been in that black hole before, too.
Right now my problem with the too much on my plate (making jewelry, preparing for shows, writing a book, taking care of a child, being a wife, etc) is, in working for myself, there are no raises, promotions, ribbons, trophies — nothing to mark accomplishments. Does that make sense? Even though I’ve accomplished a lot, I still feel like I’m missing that much more — the more I do, the more I HAVE to do.
I just don’t know how to stop the hamster wheel.
Lori, you’re so right about the absence of praise – it’s hard work and there isn’t much at the end sometimes. Being dedicated and committed to your business is extraordinary in it’s own way. And you should still reward yourself once a while for the work you do with a little escape time away from your work.
I go for walks on the trails, get a day off for myself (and not work) or go to a local chapters for some tea and magazines, (or I do the evil one and go shopping ;).
I think it’s a constant battle for those who need to create more because I think there’s a fine line in there. You could feel like you can’t keep up and there’s always something to do and that could drain you and you’ll never feel accomplished. I struggle with this too. And sometimes, the best way to overcome this is to slow down. A yoga class thrown in there would probably to the trick ;)
Slowing down would make you come back refreshed and refocused. I am trying to apply the same advice to myself right now ;) xo
All the best hon. Did you say book???? Awesome! ;)
I am glad you are following your passion! Everyone (but especially perfectionists like me…and maybe you) should remember that life is too short to NOT do the thing(s), whatever it/they may be, that will make your heart sing. I definitely operate better in all of my many roles with a plate that is leaning toward too full rather than kind of empty. It is important to include items on the to-do list that suit your PASSIONS and not just your responsibilities. Thanks for the reminder!
PS – I am relatively new to your blog, and I am very glad that being a Blogger is on your plate. =)
Thank you Beth!
Yes I often feel that I perform better under pressure. It’s funny but when things pile up (literally or in my mind) I get this burst of energy and ‘just do it’. The opposite happens when there’s little excitement or no urgency with the task ;)
And it’s not just work – I feel the same way when there’s a ton of laundry – I speed through it faster when it’s spilling out. Or especially when there’s guests coming – I clean the house like mad and get this burst of energy – and things get done fast – and in the end I feel this awesome sense of accomplishment ;)
I wish things were just as simple with the business – but if I only apply the same strength then maybe it will work just as well – with me happy that it’s done! Add to that, that I’m doing what I love – can’t be beat- right?
Yes, blogging is on my list because of me writing and sharing but most importantly because I’m making friends like ;)
Thank you for visiting and for leaving such a nice comment. xo Ella
I vote for silencing your inner critic and letting your inner voice shine. Your photography is beautiful and inspiring. Congrats and all the best on your new adventure!
Thanks Katie. That inner critic already got the kick in the butt – thanks to the beautiful words of encouragement I got yesterday.
I stayed up and worked some more on the website – it is almost done!
I’m still screaming but it’s now with excitement ;)
Thanks hon for coming by and cheering me on.
xo
Never give up the dream Ella!
oooohhhh ELLA! no no…it’s so funny how people feel about themselve vs. what other people see in them. When I think of Ella, I think: crazy cool, super creative and imaginative, motivated, talented, honest (even when it’s hard to be, like in this post), a woman possessing copious amounts of self control, someone who makes it happen. Reading this post makes me realize that, ah! you ARE human. I think it’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes and question your grand plans, but Ella, what makes you think that this grand plan (photography biz) is any different from any other thing you ever decided to do? I am completely confident that you will find time in your day to do what it is that you really want to do. make it happen, ella, just like you always do. You are amazing. You can do this.