Nervously Anxious

I haven’t been writing much lately because I promised myself that I would focus on positive entries to this blog – and lately it’s been difficult to stay positive.

I have the rest of my summer planned out and it’s mostly going to take place in downtown hospitals.  So it’s obvious that my excitement hasn’t shined through – it’s because there isn’t any.  I have several Plasmapheresis treatments booked as well as a surgery all through to the end of August.  

Plasmapheresis is a blood purification procedure used to treat several autoimmune diseases including Myasthenia Gravis. It will be five treatments in the course of two weeks in preparation for my surgery.  The thymectomy, the surgical removal of the thymus gland will follow. All this is completely stressing me out. I cannot bare to think of the discomfort, pain, sadness, complications during recovery and the long wait for the final outcome. Will this cure me of MG? Probably not, because these treatments and the surgery are not actually the cure (in fact, there is none) – but they do have hope of lessening symptoms or going into remission. I say I’m all positive and optimistic, but truthfully I am scared not only of these procedures but of the outcome that it may not improve. So it turns out I’m not all positive after all…. (see that’s why I haven’t been writing lately). 

For now, it’s just a waiting game of a few more days to get all this rolling along. I’m crossing my fingers and trying to do more Pranayamas (the Yoga breathing I wrote about earlier).